May 17, 2015

Embracing the insecurities.

This is dedicated to all those who are facing new chapters, stuck in monotonous routines, or simply finding themselves content in the comfort zone.

As most of you know, I have moved to Salt Lake City and started my internship with Deseret Book in their corporate office. For those that didn't- now you do.

The internship has been nothing but incredible. Even the little things seem important. I feel important and like a true contributor. I am able to do things I have never done before, work on projects I never even thought about, and I get to work with incredible people. One of my biggest fears about leaving my job with Center Stage was that I would be leaving behind the best coworkers. I am still working with great people just new faces.

But I am not insecure about my internship-- it's something much worse. I am insecure about making friends. I am remembering quickly how different Utah people are. YES. I just generalized. I went out Saturday to window shop and maybe find a couple things I was looking for. I ended up going home defeated and frustrated and it wasn't because nothing fit, or I couldn't find the perfect top. It was because all my human interaction left me feeling insignificant or even invisible. All I wanted to do was get in bed and listen to this:

I was hit by carts, cut off, and ignored when trying to get by people. Without a single, excuse me, sorry, or pardon me. How could people be so self-centered? WELL, after all the negativity I decided I was looking at the situation in the wrong way. How many times have I gone shopping with friends or family and been unaware of the girl shopping by herself- who just needed to get out and enjoy a day outside of work or her house? 

Then I realized I was hypersensitive because I was alone.  New places tend to bring out every insecurity I have. I knew I had hit rock bottom when the thought of joining Tinder sounded like a good idea to meet people. Don't worry- I didn't. 

SO, am I really going to write all about how "hard" life is? No. Well, sort of because I already have. Lets switch gears. I made a promise with my parents when I moved here that I would "Say YES to Life". I have done just that. I have added things to my schedule to keep me out and about after work and have even taken on extra assignments at work to learn new things like being in charge of a pre-screening for a movie we have coming out June 5th. I will continue to add things to my life to put myself out there and in the places I can meet new people. I just have to remind myself that Rome wasn't built in a day and neither was my social life. So, friends will come- or so I hope- as I slowly build Rome, my life.

I don't want to be content with a life of work, dinner, netflix, 9:30 bed time. So, I am getting outside of my box to embrace my insecurities and doubts. I have never been one to be content standing still, why would I let my insecurities take control and make it okay to stand still, now?

Change is a good thing. I have always loved change and incorporated it into my every day life. I don't like routines. I don't even like driving to work the same way every morning. Yet, here I am with a big girl life that requires routines. Now I need to find the happy medium of having routines but also having my spontaneous moments. Life has changed and I just need to evolve with it.

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