Oct 29, 2014

Peace, Love, & Moving On!

This is my "NEXT, please" post. Sometimes I wish it was as easy as saying this but most of the time I don't want to say next please because there is no one in line to move onto. I don't care how close you were or how close you thought you were. It may be one-sided with all the emotional ties on your end. Either way it SUCKS when we have to let go of someone.

I often find myself holding on to people hoping they might come around. The truth is they never will. I recently had to come to this realization. *Hence the pity party.* I wish I could say this was the first time I have had to move on, but it's not. So, one would think that by now I would have the perfect formula for moving on.

Well, talk is easy- action is not. I do have a formula the only problem is it varies in different situations. Sometimes I move on quickly. Other times I hold onto it for FAR too long. The execution and deadlines of this formula is to be tailor-made for YOU and your situation! So after you have successfully thrown your Pity Party, here is what you do:

1. Realize the need to move on. First things first, (I'm the realist. *I hope most of you sang along with me to that reference* if not, sorry for this little side note.) We have to come to terms with this on our own. And when we finally do the light will come on and all the friends who told you this months ago will deserve a "You were right!" note. (Because they would NEVER say 'I told you so...') This is one of the hardest parts- come to terms with it.

2. Cut ties. Or limit contact. Each situation is different. My personal favorite is when it is a long distance relationship and I can practice 'out of sight, out of mind.' This has only happened once. The more likely situation is the one where we have to see them still sometimes even frequently. So, what you do in this situation is to place distance between this person and you. If you have to keep their number make sure it is in your phone as plain as it gets. Take away the cutesy emojis or nicknames, take away their personalized text tone or ringtone, and take their picture off their contact. This will help prove to you that they are nothing more to you and no more important than Jane Doe is.

3. Forgive them. Forgive yourself. Behind step 1. this is the next hardest step. Sometimes people hurt us more than we ever thought possible. But for you to be able to move on and have a healthy relationship someday you have to do both of these.

4. Take note- that person is only 1 in millions. There are other fish in the sea... YEAH, YEAH. We've heard that a million times. The sad truth is, the statement is true regardless of what we are seeing or feeling.

Just had to throw that picture in there. It is one of my favorites. I want you to focus on the fact that even if this is how it feels right now, it won't look like this forever.

5. You are no less a person because it didn't work out. I always find myself in the trap of "what if". He would like me if... don't torture yourself. So what, he has his own taste as do you. Don't harp on the allusive thoughts. We can't read someones mind and we shouldn't focus on what we aren't.

6. Do things you LOVE. It is interesting to me how much we rely on others to make us happy. The reality is- we are the only ones who can choose happiness. Make your own happiness!

7. Meet new people. I want to make myself clear. I don't mean meet knew people on Tinder, Yik Yak, or any other meaningless hook up app. I mean go out and meet new FRIENDS. Focus on friends before moving on to the relationship part. I promise it is better that way. This also includes strengthening the friendships you already have!

8. Try new things. For me this means write a new song. Find a new hiking trail. Change the layout of my blog. Have an impromptu photoshoot. Drive somewhere new. Style my hair different. These may seem small but just a little change can help us strengthen who we are instead of focusing on who we aren't.

9. Acknowledge the fear of the unknown. It is okay to be scared of any and all of these steps. It isn't easy. It is worth it, when you push your limits you strengthen yourself. Sometimes you learn from your failures and other times you surprise yourself when you accomplish something you didn't think you could. Either way it's worth it.

10. Laugh! It's one thing to focus on you and to embrace the independence but don't let the tasks and goals overtake your life. It's important to have fun while going through this process. Laughter really is the best medicine.

“You must make a decision that you are going to move on. It wont happen automatically. You will have to rise up and say, ‘I don’t care how hard this is, I don’t care how disappointed I am, I’m not going to let this get the best of me. I’m moving on with my life.”
― Joel Osteen, Your Best Life Now: 7 Steps to Living at Your Full Potential

 photo ScreenShot2014-05-04at124528AM.png

No comments:

Post a Comment

Make my day... leave me a message. I hate to think I am just talking to hear myself talk. :P